May 2014Along my lengthy journey of absolute love and loss for my daughter, I have met so, so many mothers who have suffered stillbirths, miscarriages, and neo-natal deaths. These are women whom I would not have met had I not lost Margaret. As soon as I meet a woman of loss we are instantly friends. We are introduced via a grandmother, a sister, a friend, my website or face book page and then usually if they live close, we meet for coffee or a walk in the woods. I am at rapt attention hearing their tragic story of loss that are also always illuminated with beautiful moments. I love hearing the names of their babies, why they received these names and breathing life back into these babies by asking questions and just hearing about each of them. I also always enjoy hearing about the many unique ways these moms and their families choose to honor their baby through rituals and special mementos. The variety of ideas amazes me. I have heard of so many different rituals, anything from planting flowers, to running their own charity, to buying a case of wine the year the baby was born, to collecting beach glass, to creating memory boxes, to painting pictures, to various fundraisers. The list is endless and immensely creative. Grief makes us all creative in ways we never knew were possible. We have lived through the impossible so now we know anything is possible.
These woman and their babies have touched my life so deeply that I constantly picture each of their baby’s faces surrounding my Margaret in heaven. At night with all their names and stories dancing in my head, I say prayers, and as one mom taught me, give extra kisses to my children in honor of Margaret and all these babies who have died.
This month of May, I send out hugs to all the moms who have come into my life because they too lost a baby and to many others out there that I do not know who are going through the tragedy of losing a baby and grieving this immense loss. May you find peace and solace and a creative outlet for your sadness and may you speak your babies name with honor and pride always. Happy Mother’s Day to the all my soul mate moms of loss. Mother’s Day is sad without our babies, but we can still celebrate our pride at always being their mothers.